Always Criticizing Me

You might have been hearing from your friend very often that his/ her spouse always criticizes him/ her. You also might have told your spouse that he/ she is always critical and stop criticizing any more. Criticizing could be a habit of certain individuals which come very naturally. Criticism can be defined as a feedback given to someone on something they say or do and the receiver perceives this as negative. Constructive criticism delivered in a proper manner might be of immense use for learning how to do certain things in a different manner. However, incorrectly delivered advice will be perceived as critical and you might stop listening further.

You feel unduly annoyed if your spouse disagrees with you all the time when you do something; whatever you say or do you are contradicted with alternate ideas. These ideas are made to appear as an idea from a know-it-all and this irritates you further. This irritation grows further and further as more and more criticisms are made. These will not be taken as advice but you see them as questioning your abilities to do something. This is likely to erode your self esteem.

Constant criticism is a weapon used by many people for controlling the other person and is used as domestic abuse at times. This can be a powerful tool for controlling another person. In most of the cases the criticism does not form a part of a plan of domestic abuse. This only illustrates the damage that criticism can cause to a person.

Right and Wrong

The feeling that you are being criticized unnecessarily by your spouse will cause harm to your marriage. You may find it difficult to vibe with your spouse if he/ she sees you as imperfect and lacks decision making capabilities. Criticism has to be delivered in a constructive way so that the person who receives it does not feel humiliated. The person who criticizes should not look as though he is a know-it-all. He should not show that whatever you do, he/ she knows it better and can also do it better, faster and differently. In case the receiver of the criticism feels that you will criticize irrespective of what you do, he/ she will stop listening to your criticisms and may get annoyed or angry.

This brings us to a question about the best way of delivering a criticism. First and foremost criticize only if it is absolutely essential. The next thing is to ensure that your statements are as factual as possible. Avoid making personal statements which could be mistaken as insults. Ensure that for every criticism you make you should find equal amount of time and opportunity to praise your spouse.

It is better to avoid using generalizations. Use of words such as “you always†make your spouse feel that you are indicating that he/ she does not do anything right. When you are being criticized you feel that you are being attacked. Under such circumstances your first reaction is to defend yourself by telling your spouse that you are aware of what you are doing

Turning Criticism into Solutions

Criticism should always be constructive in nature; criticism is intended as an advice as long as it is delivered in a right manner. You will find that either of you are capable of knowing better ways of doing things sometime or other; similarly either of you have a right to point out each others mistakes. However, it is important to find the right way and the right time so that the advice is taken in a constructive manner.

In case the criticism is made very often and is too critical it is necessary that you or your spouse discuss the issue thoroughly; both of you should sit down together and discuss the problem in detail. Initially it is possible that such discussions are charged with emotions or very sensitive in nature. You should be mentally prepared for handling such situations with calmness. You should not be going on defending your stand during this discussion if the partner’s explanation is reasonable. The discussion will become futile if you respond with quick sarcastic responses to honest statements.

You should ensure that either of you do not ignore the feelings of other person during discussions. In case you are of the opinion that your spouse is too critical this should be conveyed in such a way that your spouse understands your feelings. It might be possible that such criticisms arise due to much larger and deeper issues; this might warrant your seeing a marriage counselor. Overly critical comments are made by the spouse because of his/ her unhappiness over larger issues. In order to identify this you should explore your marriage further and identify areas which need improvement.

Thoughtlessly spoken words could ruin your marriage; you should realize that your marriage is too valuable to get damaged like this. In case both of you frankly express to each other how constant criticism hurts your feelings you might be able to start communicating in a better way.