Communication Breakdown

Communication breakdown in your marriage may not make you insane; but it definitely causes strain in your marital relationships. A communication breakdown between husband and wife leads to conflict, arguments, emotional pain and finally end in divorce.

It is not easy to deal with communication problems since they happen without your knowledge. It starts with minor disagreements here and there but grows to monstrous proportions after some time. Suddenly you find that you are unable to comprehend most of the time what your spouse is talking; you feel that you are not a part of the major decision making process. Destructive criticism on a regular basis will result in communication breakdown faster.

Many times you must have been feeling that the job of your spouse is only to criticize you. Irrespective of whether criticism is justified or not it is very difficult to handle. The last thing one would like to hear is criticism and nobody wants to be criticized; this shuts down communication with your spouse. In fact criticism is nothing but communication breakdown. In this somebody wants to say something to you but in this process he/ she express it in an inappropriate way. You are being told about your faults instead of telling the problems.

It is all the more hurting if the person who criticizes you is your spouse. The spouses love and care for each other; hence criticism from any of them to the other affects them emotionally; this does not happen if criticism comes from an outsider. You also feel inadequate and helpless when criticized and this can lead to different problems. For example, this can affect your sex life.

Verbal Weapons

Any marital miscommunication can lead to serious consequences if there is no attempt to improve communication. Criticism can hurt your spouse if it is leveled as a verbal weapon. If you tell your wife that she is “too fat”, she will try to defend herself which could lead to an argument. Similarly calling your husband as a “selfish lover” can damage your physical relationship. Such direct comments are hurting. There are ways to express these things in a better manner. By properly communicating criticism one can strike at a constructive conversation.

Learning to use proper phrases when you communicate with your spouse is very important. In case your wife is fat it is highly damaging to call her as heavy; the same thing could be communicated in a totally different and diplomatic manner. You could talk to her about going to health clubs to keep both of you fit and trim so that you can live longer and healthier life together. If you feel that the time spent by your husband with you is insufficient then you could discuss with him calmly about taking time off regularly to be with you. You must avoid unnecessary arguments.

The rule of the game while solving marital problems is to take one problem at a time and solve it. Taking all problems together will lead to criticisms which turn into arguments. You should realize that all these problems are accumulated grievances over a period of time and it is next to impossible to solve all of them in one go. It is always advisable to address these problems then and there. Allowing accumulation of problems leads to uncontrollable frustrations which results in a communication breakdown. People loose their cool during arguments and by the end of the argument both parties get so worked up that neither of them are in a mood to listen to others. If you ask the people involved after the argument they will express that they can not remember why at all the argument started and went out of control. This is due to the reason that once they start getting angry they stop listening to each other.

Brain Power

Use your brain to think and then communicate with your spouse; do not allow your emotions to overwhelm you; this will be detrimental to your relationship. Your objective is to convey what you have in mind; however this conversation should not be done in the form of criticism. Constantly criticizing somebody is an ugly habit and you will not even realize that you have developed this habit.

If you are being criticized by your spouse often you should make sure that you do not overreact. It requires two hands to clap and make noise. You don’t have to defend yourself; but try to ask questions. There will come a time when you can communicate to your spouse about your feelings on his criticisms and why you consider them not justified. This action will avoid unnecessary arguments.

Serious marital problems are mainly due to communication breakdowns. Extreme cases of breakdowns occur if careless criticisms are leveled at a spouse. This can be changed only if you exercise patience and you should know how statements were made. The conversation could yield results if your spouse understands that you want to talk and not argue.