Controlling Every Move

If any of the spouses feel that the other spouse is getting away on every thing it could create serious problems in the marriage; Nobody is interested in losing control on their life and live at somebody else’s mercy all the time in every area. Marriages could be affected at all levels due to control issues. Some issues that could cause friction are as follows.

	Maintains tight control of money by asking account for even for small things
	Decides on everything about children
	Decides on socializing
	Decides on every purchase at home
	Controls how spare time is to be spent

Such controls become a form of abuse over time. An abuser wants to exercise power and control over the spouse. The abuser normally shows his authority in small ways and it becomes big over time. The response of the spouse who is being controlled varies from person to person. Some tend to resist such controls whereas others submit meekly.

Suffocating the Marriage

The marriage gets suffocated due to this type of controlling behavior. Marriage is a partnership requiring a number of compromises on either side and should focus on each others needs. In the event of one spouse controlling other you will find that the needs of only one person get satisfied. Under such circumstances the marriage starts disintegrating in a very short period.

It is quite difficult to change the controlling behavior of a person. First of all you should make him understand why such behavior is not acceptable and also the reasons for it. You should explain to your spouse that he/ she cannot have control over every aspect of your life. This sort of control on individuals is possible only if you allow the person to have a hold on you. In an abusive situation, the abuser takes full control whereas the spouse gives up all control and resistance.

Talking About Control

In case you want to discuss with your spouse regarding the issues of control it is essential that you do not show any anger or resentment. Once you start showing negative emotions you will find that it is not possible to have any useful conversation. You must find an opportunity to discuss only this issue. Avoid throwing accusations or threatening to leave or making statements like I will not budge an inch on any issue. You should make your spouse understand that it is necessary to have compromises in married life and this will negate the necessity for control.

When your spouse want to control everything in your life it will become a battle of wills between you and your spouse. However it is not necessary that this has to be that way. In case your spouse tries to take full control of your life you should explain with patience that you would not like him/ her to control every action of yours.  There is no necessity to fight on this issue; but continue with your own plan if you believe that it is right.

Whenever both of you discuss regarding control you should politely mention that no domestic abuse should be involved in any marriage. If you find that your spouse is showing signs of becoming a domestic abuser it is advisable to start seeking counseling as early as possible. Even if your spouse is unwilling to attend counseling sessions it is worthwhile for you to attend these sessions. Such an action will indicate that you know that your spouse is trying to take control of your life and you would not allow this to happen.

At the time of marriage both husband and wife believed that love and compassion would enable you to share a partnership. In case one spouse tries to control every move of the other, he/ she is violating the trust placed at the time of the marriage.  The issue of control can be resolved by counseling and communication. This matter has to be addressed as soon as possible too, because of this nature will not change themselves easily without intervention.