Dealing with Marriage Ghosts

Persons going for their second marriage believe that this marriage will be more successful than the first one. Having gone through the ups and downs in the first marriage you are hoping that you have learnt sufficient lessons from your first marriage. A man who divorced his first wife was heard saying that the first divorce was her fault; he also added that the responsibility of second marriage lies with him. He actually meant that he learnt a lot from his first marriage and is in a position to avoid such mistakes in the second marriage. That is the whole truth in a nutshell!

Banishing the Ghosts

There could be some issues which might require resolving within yourself in case you had a first marriage. If your earlier marriage was peaceful then it is good for you. Many people normally would be interested in talking about their earlier marriage, problems they faced and mistakes made in that marriage. Such memories bring in insecurities and fears if they marry for the second time.

In case your ex-spouse is alive, it is like having a ghost in your life. Your memories and experiences with her will ensure that this ghost will never leave you. It is absolutely essential that this ghost in your memory does not interfere in your current marriage life and cause problems; you should learn to live with this problem without affecting you. Divorced spouse has a tendency to blame the other spouse for most of their problems. In reality, both the spouses should take responsibility for the failure of their marriage. To make a loving relationship two people are required; similarly two people are required to ruin a marriage.

Previous marriage problems are the source of the insecurities and fears.  Every marriage is different and every divorce happens for a different reason.  It is important to use the information and experience you gained from your first marriage to make your second marriage a good relationship.  You don’t want to repeat the same mistakes again.

It is not easy to forget the memories of the first marriage; banishing ghosts from the past requires considerable introspection and self-honesty. You should identify the reasons for the failure of your first marriage and the role you played in this failure. You must ensure that such mistakes are not repeated in your second marriage. You also must realize that your second spouse is totally different from your first spouse. Hence you can not treat him/ her in the same way as the previous one. It will be self-destructive if you assume that your second spouse will be having similar characteristics as your first spouse.

New Images

There are many repercussions that get carried from your first marriage. The first is the emotional aspects that were discussed earlier. The other related issues are children and alimony.  Alimony payments have to be made every month either to your ex-spouse or the ex-spouse of your present spouse. These require a lot of understanding and patience and one tends to get angry. All these issues should be thoroughly discussed with your new spouse and come to an understanding prior to your marriage.  The key for harmony is keeping the lines of communication open.

In order to make your second marriage successful it is essential for you to create new memories and traditions as early as possible.  Your new spouse will also be equally interested in building a solid relationship and it is important that you handle the second marriage with love and understanding. Do not exhibit the gifts received from your first wedding inside the house or boast about them. On the contrary display gifts received from your second wedding.  These appear as small issues but make big impact in new married life.

It is not difficult to create new images for your second marriage. You could opt for a brand new holiday tradition with your second wife on your first holiday.  Alternately you could visit a special hotel or restaurant which can be considered as a secret spot. Irrespective of whatever choice you make, the new traditions should be totally different from those that you had in your first marriage.

Getting It Right This Time

Taking a decision to go for a second marriage is a bold decision after the trauma that you had undergone during your first marriage; you must have found that the new person you have chosen must be extremely special for you to take such a decision. The second marriage will become stronger if you take into consideration the pitfalls in your first marriage and become sensitive to those issues.